| I know one day we'll all wake up with a gun to the back of our brains. |
[Thursday
October 12th] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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divinity within- protest the hero |
] |
OH
MY
GODDDDD
I FUCKING MET PROTEST THE HERO!
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!
OMGGG
monday october 9. phoneix music hall. protest trivium the sword. I WENT AND IT MADE MY LIFE:D
it was CRAZY..like all the guys from protest were just chillen and wandering around the phoenix. i was like WHATTT! the first thing i see when i walk in is Rody. He asked me and scott where the bathroom was! and then we saw all them in the room where they were selling merch and they signed stuff and we talked to them forever
it was amazing
and they were SO SO good.
AHHHHHHH fuck it was gooooood!
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| Forever |
[Saturday
May 6th] |
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mood |
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 fuck. |
] |
forever your eyes will hold the memory
i saw your heart as it overtook me
we tried so hard to understand and reason
but in that one moment i gave my heart away
i gave my heart away
in that moment - i gave my heart away
in that moment - i gave my heart away
with that perfect breath where my mind lay beside me
and all i knew is what had overtaken me
with no reason i am comforted by inability to understand
forever your eyes will hold the memory
i saw your heart as it overtook me
we tried so hard to understand and reason
but in that one moment i gave my heart away
i gave my heart away
in that moment - i gave my heart away
in that moment - i gave my heart away
FOREVER your eyes will hold the memory
forever your eyes will hold the memory
forever your eyes will hold the memory
when i wake from this dream
will your smile still open my heart
and leave me transparent?
when i wake from this dream
will your smile still open my heart
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| Smash apart what you created |
[Sunday
February 19th] |
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mood |
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 My muscles hurt!!! |
] |
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music |
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A Song for a Broken Heart- A Static Lullaby |
] |
Omg i am SOSOSO sore from snowboarding yesterday! Like i took a couple good wipe outs yesterday and boy am i hurting today.
So silverstein was pretty shweet on friday. Too bad my fucking stomach was killing AGAIN!!! Seriously like there must be SOMETHING wrong with it. But anyways...i wanted to go in the pitttt!!!!:'(..next time, next time.
I got my cartilige pierced yesterday!!!! Wooohoo!!! It didnt hurt as bad as i thought it would. Its just reeeally sore to touch it and its going to take a really long time to heal. But i like it i think it looks pretty sweet.
Im really nervous for tomorrow. Like...what do i do when i see Mike J? Whats going to happen at lunch time..cuz like..we kinda hang out with different people at lunch. And i do NOT want everyone at school to know because then everyone will also know when we break up. And when we break up i want to be able to hang out with cody and ben and the other mike because theyre my friends but it will be awkward and i probably wont get to hang out with them after this...That would suck. Like is it worth it? Ben and cody keep asking me "WHY!!" and im like i dont knowww...and cody was asking me if i think its going to last..and everyones like how long do you think its going to last?? Like thats stressing me out even more because i dont want it to be like a short lame .. mistake?
He was gone to Blue Mountain all weekend so that kinda sucked because it wouldve been cool to actually go out...
But he called me today when he got home from blue:) That was nice. I was actually kind of surprised. It made me quite happy.
I'm definately excited and happy and stuff but i wish i could just enjoy it and live in the present instead of worrying so much about getting hurt and about what is going to happen when we break up and stuff.
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| The best part of "believe" is the "lie" |
[Tuesday
January 31st] |
Well, it is the last 12 mins of January 2006. Its weird when you think about it. So i just wanted to write in my LJ ... cuz its the last time i can ever say JANUARY 2006!
Welllll.....shit is messed up. I dunno. I just know that i dont want to lose any good friendships and i dont want to hurt anyone.
And you know what else i know? That i really want a boyfriend. And that im fraeking stressed about Thursday because Mike is going to be there.
JANUARY 31 2006!
JANUARY 31 2006!
J A N U A R Y T H I R T Y F I R S T T W O T H O U S A N D S I X ! ! ! ! !
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| The twinkie song |
[Sunday
October 16th] |
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mood |
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#(*$&%)(*@_@#$_)($@$ |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Brand New- Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't |
] |
DOUGH! the stuff they put in twinkies
RAY! the guy that makes the twinkies
MEE! the one they give the twinkies to
FA! The wait in line for twinkies
SO! I think ill have a twinkie
LA! La la la la la Twinkieeee!
TEE! No thanks, ill have a twinkie
And that will bring us back to DOUGH twinkie, twinkie, twinkie!
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| So you play the mistaken and ill play the victim in our screenplay of desire. |
[Friday
October 7th] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
So...kate lefeuvre and mike gordon were making out after school today...
um. ew.
he is a horrible kisser. and i dont even have anything to compare it too.
which reminds me how desperate i am right now.
Cody Colins(REEEALLY hot hair, grade 11) is going out with Alex Genis (Huge bitch/slut). Make me gag. So anyways, the ugly guy thats really nice...i found out that his name is Breanden but im not sure if you say it like brAndon or brEndan. Meh. So hes friends with CodyHotHair and him and CodyHotHair ALL day were saying "you should come to the party tonight!" and CodyHotHair said it to me 4 times! There were a couple times when we were like pretty much alone in the hallway and i was just like OMG YOU ARE SO HOT (except i didnt say that...) and he was like "You better come tonight!" and he had like the HOTTEST look on his face and i was like omg. So i said "i dunoooo.." and he was like "Come on!" and im like "well i dont know where it is or anything anyways" and hes like "well talk to some people on msn or something" and i was like "alright ill see what i can do" and hes like "hah alright" and walks away. ANd i like had to catch my breath. ANd i had an encounter with Aaron yesterday (REALLLY hot gr 12...black emo hair, lip ring, blue eyes) where he ended up slamming my locker shut...i tried to stop him but he goes "Nope thats not how its gonna work" and locks it. It was weird. But he has a hot voice. Oh yeah DANIELLE did i mention that theyre all friends with CRAIG BARKLEY OR BURKLEY OR WHATEVER THE HELL HIS NAME IS!? At lunch him cody and breanden were ALL saying for me to come tonight and craig was so hot he was all like "yeah come!" and i was like OMG. The depressing thing is that theyre all trying to hook me up with braenden...dammit. But there is one plus to alex and codyhothair going out: shes in my homeroom. which means that her locker is like 2 away from mine. which means that codyhothair is always hanging out there. which means that since he and aaron are like really good friends, aaron is always hanging out there. Which is how my little encounter occurred with him. Hes so0o hot!
So...to go to the party or not to go to the party. EVERYONE is going. Except my little circle of friends is not. I dont know if i should go cuz i have no one to go with. Secondly, i dont know if my mom would approve...thirdly...what would i do there while everyone is getting wasted? Thirdly, what if theres no one i really know well? I dont know if i should go!!!!! hellp. Oh well i probably wont end up going. Part of me wants to go...part of me does not.
I want to make out with someone. Right now. Aarooon come to me! OR LANCE! OMG LANCE IS SO HOT! OMG WHY ARE THERE SO MANY HOT GUYS SO OUT OF MY LEAGUE!
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| Maybe next time will be the right time. Maybe next time will be your time. |
[Wednesday
September 28th] |
| [ |
music |
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save your scissors-dallas green |
] |
Okay first off:
KRISTINA AND DANIELLE: I am Sooooo sorry about tonight when you both tried to talk to me..i came to the computer and i was like WHAT!? I was signed in and i had no idea...so im sorry! <3 There was like a trillion ppl talking to me and now they prolly think that i was ignoring them:( And danielle! Next time, you HAVE to send me the convo! Damn! I want to reeeead it!
So yeah...i dont have any more time to update any more cuz i gotta go to bed:(
HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TOMORROW DALLAS GREEN<3333 love!
Wish me luck at school. Lets see if i can survive another day. I am so overwhelmed with homework and work right now you wouldnt even believe it. Wow.
Love love love
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| Happy Birthday To Me, Happy Birthday To Me, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! |
[Monday
September 19th] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
Woot today est mon anniversaire! Today is my birthday! Well was...my birthday. So when will i learn not to have such high expectations about birthdays? Im always expecting them to be this big special day where everything goes perfect and then i always end up in tears at the end of the night. I dont like them anymore. I mean i guess my day at school wasnt that bad even though only like 3 ppl knew it was my birthday. When i got home, i pretty much did homework all night. My birthday cake was an ice cream cake and maddie forgot to put it in the freezer so it melted and she was in tears. My parents tried to put it back in the freezer but it didnt quite work out too well. I got an ipod mini! Wooot! I also got clothes and theyre not really my style so i dont know what to do. Cuz i dont have the heart to tell my mom that i dont like them but i know i wont wear them because i cant feel confident and good in something that i dont like and thats not me and that i dont want to wear. I got some other stuff too tho so its ok. I dont know what im gonna do about the clothes tho cuz i dont want them to just sit in my drawers. Thats a waste. Should i tell her that theyre not me? Or just ... not?
So today...cody put his arm around me. And my heart like stopped. Okay maybe he was only demonstrating something to holly and showing her how he had his arm around her...but still! His arm was around me! And he touched me and said happy birthday (cuz holly told him it was my birthday. and then he said hed give me his brownie and find a candle to put in it...which never happened cuz we didnt sit with him)
Im so overwhelmed with school work...WOW. Im behind in like EVERYTHING. At least it feels like i am. Thats another reason i just like burst into tears tonight. Im so behind in business and math. and my business teacher was giving me hell today. on my birthday. because im not "on the ball". Whatever. Bitch.
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| I wish that i was as invisible as you make me feel |
[Sunday
September 18th] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
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music |
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My Chemical Romance- Give 'em hell kid |
] |
So today was my last day being a 14 year old. Thats depressing. The thought of getting older, moving on, that my life is passing me by...it really makes me sad. But oh well what can you do? so heres to a good year being 15?
I want a boyfriend. I know its not all that its cracked up to be but i dont really care. Haha.
Ho-hum. Im so bored.
And Im feeling really sad AGAIN for some reason. What is with me and my sad moods lately. I know part of it is about last night and just stuff that went down with holly and sam and everybody. Also other things that only i know which is what kills me. I think Im dying to tell someone but im too afraid to.
I have picked up this horrible habit of pittying myself. God sasha, suck it up. Theres so many people out there suffering with diseases, and poverty, and the hurricane and youre always feeling sorry for YOURSELF.
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[Saturday
September 17th] |
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mood |
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sad |
] |
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music |
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Day Old Hate- Dallas Green<3 |
] |
TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13 = CRAAAZY NIGHT!
Ok so Tuesday was le concert!! Woot! Avec Alexisonfire, Underoath et the Used!! Wooot! I Nearly died in the mosh pit. Honest to god. I like literally almost died. I was so scared in there. I was like "im going to die. im going to die" over and over in my head. I got like suffocated many many times and strangled and i couldnt breathe...it was sooo scary. But oh so awesome! It was fun when i finally got outta that death trap (haha laura). And mike gordon is an asshole. He like pulled me into there. Like god, i didnt go with him and i didnt think id actually see him there so i wasnt worried. THen sure enough, he comes up to me. "Youre going in the pit". I didnt want to. Ass. Like i hate him. So Me danielle and laura were holding on to eachother for dear life. Then we got seperated...but it was a miricale that me and laura stayed together. We had to try and get out together which was almost impossible. I suppose we couldve crowd surfed our way out but then we probably wouldnt have been able to find eachother. Then danielle, BITCH! (jks), got right to the front of the pit...she was standing RIGHT in front of DALLAS GREEN! GRRRRR! But the thing that really sucked was when i was in there, alexis came on and i was starting to panic cuz it was scary for me and iried to get out so i missed their enterance onto the stage and i missed the first song ("No Transitory") but when i got out i was standing pretty close so it was SWEET!
Then i got Chris from Underoath's autograph...me and hayley were like freaking outXD...and she got to shake his hand:O bitch. lol jk. But yeah. iT was funnn!!! Oh and you know what else sucked? How we were in the line up (if you can even call it a line up...it was more of like a really tame mosh pit) when underoath came on. We were like stuck in there...then HAYLEY got her Tshirt like half an hour before us which was retarted because me and danielle were like standing right with her. So she got to go watch underoath and we told her to wait for us infront of the washrooms. Then laura left with her and they were both supposed to meet us there. So me danielle and kristina were still stuck in there, then when we FINALLY got out, laura and haley were no where to be found so we were SOOO pissed cuz we missed so much of underoath trying to get a t-shirt, trying to find haley and laura. THEN we gave up on trying to find them and finally went to watch. We only got to see like 3 songs. And when we were in the line they started playing "Its dangerous business walking out your front door and my eyes were like Wellling with tears cuz i love that song and i just wanted the hell out of that fricking pack of crazy sweaty people who are butting you and elbowing you to get to the front of the line. But oh well. Like i said, it was still sooooo much fun!:D
Bert McCracken was creepy! But still hot. Lol..he like sung this little thing about...well it was vulgar...im not sure if i want to repeat it...something along the lines about how he wants all the girls in the audience to "take your p*ssy out and f*ck him in the butt...." WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIRD!!!!! Like..i wasnt even sure if that made any sense at all...or if it was possible...cuz...nevermind. Im not going to explain my thoughts. Very weird. Very strange. And creepy. But oh well hes hot. Know what...? NOT AS HOT AS DALLAS GREEENNN<3! I was like watching the whole time the used were on to see if i could see dallas behind the little gate thingy. No such luck. But me and Danielle were like 2 inches away from Wade cuz he came to the little gate thingy and we were like *this* close to getting his autograph and we were like WADE! he smiled at us but then he had to go take these lucky bitches backstage. gr. One day, i will meet dallas. And one day i will make out with him and he will like it WAYYYY better than when he was making out with Leah. Lmao. I taped that Much 911 and i keep watching it OVER and OVER and OVER! I love him so muuuch! GEORGE is so hot too! Hes awesome! I love him! ohhhhh man. <3Alexisonfire<3 Wow... lOl im craaazy...one day humday, one day we will be touring with them.
So the countdown is on guys! 2 more days! Tomorrow i will be saying "tomorrows my birthday!" Woot! I cant wait. You all are probably even more excited then i am right? Youre all probably like "omg sashas birthday!!!! i will die if i have to wait another second to celebrate this oh-so-holy day. the date of her birth! The day she was born! The greatest day of my liiiiife!*hyperventalate*" Lmao. Right!
So im going over to hang out with everybody at like 7...im wondering if mike james is there..hmm...i hope so:):$. I will make out with him! Lol. No i wont. But i dont understand why i like him! Like i used to think he was so gross and stuff but now its weird.
**********************************************************************************************************
Now you still speak of day old hate.
Though your whole world has gone up into flames...
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| So go on, and i will refrain. and i keep on running in this never ending race |
[Thursday
September 8th] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
Ok so i still havent made up my mind about gr 10 yet. Socially i guess its been alright. I still want a bf sooo bad. And it makes me sad that theres no new hot guys in any of my classes. Theres pretty much no new hot guys period. Im not really looking forward to being single allllll year tho...that to me will be boring. I dunno why it would be boring cuz it shouldnt be. I dont have any interest in any of the guys at my school tho. I had a dream about mike james on tuesday and i havent been able to stop thinking about him since! Which is gay because 1) he has a girlfriend (as far as i know hes still with some chick named "ally leith" but i wouldnt know cuz i dont talk to him and he lives in port perry). 2) i dont even know him that well at all.
So enough about guys for once...
Heres my schedual for semester 1!
Period 1: Guitar
Period 2: Introduction to Business
Period 3: Math
Period 4: Science
Id say it is a pretty well balanced time table for sure.
Ben and claudia are in my guitar class and they are both amazing guitar players. Everytime were hangig out they always ask me to play but i say no. I seriously cant play infront of other people at all. So ben and claudia somehow have this idea that im this AWESOME guitar player cuz holly tells them "i bet shes better than you" even tho shes never heard me play. SO today i pretty much made a fool of myself because since ben just got transferred into the class, he didnt have his guitar today so he just had to sit and listen to everybody else play. He was sittng between me and claudia and i kept screwing up majorly cuz i knew he was watching me. Frig. Im so embarassed. Then i couldnt do the theory work and i was confused so i had to ask ben for help and i felt like such an idiot.
Ick. I forgot lunch today. Our school has become a freaking zoo cuz of all the new people and all the GR. 9s. Little bastards. You can barely walk down the hall now. It used to be so quiet and you could get to class no problem but now the halls are constantly so backed up and congested its crazy. Im almost late for class all the time but i havent been yet. Today there was like a line up at the stairs. It pisses me off! But yeah so the caf is hell and i never want to even go near the line up so i went through the whole day and the whole hot hungry walk home starving without food.
Im stressed out for guitar. And in business tomorrow i have to do a presentation with curtis barefoot and were not done. thank god we have more time tomorrow before we go. jeeze we had like 20 mins today and we only get a bit of time tomorrow. i dont even understand what im doing for this thing but he does. this is going to be so bad. UGHH. Also, my math homework takes me like 3 hrs a night. Its the 3rd day and im already a stressed mess.
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| Those three words destroyed every inch of me |
[Wednesday
August 31st] |
Okay so new layout that i found...i dunno i like it but i think its kind plain. I found a GREAT layout community so tomorrow i might try and find a different one. Plus, this one wont show my pics for some reason:S
Anyway...im going to bed now
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| Save your strength, save your wasted time. Theres no way that I want you to be left behind. |
[Tuesday
August 30th] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
Im feeling sad right now. I'm not quite sure why. I mean i think i know why but like theres alot more to it. You know how when youre feeling upset about something and you cry a little...you start to think about everything? Like mostly all the upsetting things in your life and the upsetting things that have happened to you. And then it makes you cry even harder. And youre just a mess for the rest of the night? Thats what this is. I just feel really sad right now and i just want to cry my eyes out.
I got my hair did today. And bikini waxes hurt like a bitch. I got one yesterday, it was oh-so painful. And awkward...I also went shopping yesterday with my mom. I got a sweater from American Eagle, pink and blue DC shoes that i need to exchange for a bigger size-omg ilove em so much, and 2 bras and 5 pairs of underwear. On thursday, i have to go get a backpack, all of my school supplies since im getting back from hollys cottage either sunday or monday, and possibly this roxy sweater from boathouse- it is sosososososo cute! Its like a hoodie but its like a half-hoodie. It doesnt come that much lower than your boobs and the zipper is a little heart and it says roxy in black on the sleeve. It comes in pink or black and its reeeally cute in pink but i think im gonna get the black one because the AE sweater i got is pink. I love back to school clothes shopping!
And Danielle: Of course i dont hate you!!!! Are you stoned? I love you! the only reason i didnt get a chance to call you was cuz today i had a hair appt, then i went over to mikes w/ ppl just for like 2 hrs cuz then i had guitar right after, I was out monday shopping with my mom, sunday i did call you and i was home all day so i was gonna see if you wanted to hang out but you never called me back and then saturday we had company otherwise i wouldve said lets do something! dont ever think that if i havent had a chance to get back to you it means that im mad at you or i hate you or anything cuz you aint getting rid of me that easy:)
Well everyone im gonna go eat some cookie dough ice cream and watch that 70s show. I tell ya, its like therapy. Just tonight it better not be one that i saw 2 days ago like last night:|
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| I wont cross these streets until you hold my hand... <3 ... |
[Monday
August 29th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 i have a POUNDING headach OMG! |
] |
I found a layout that works...what do you all think of this one? Yes? No?
Alright im off to vocals...i think im gonna sing swing life away...i dunno waht other songs there are to do...i need female artists is what she says cuz its harder to sing to guys: they're usually singing alot lower, and since i always listen to guys, i might start to sing like a guy...Jeeze...i dunno what to bring cuz the only female artists CDs i own are hilary duff (yes i know i should be ashamed.) and Pink lmao. Im a hazzard to myself! Dont let me get me! WooT! hahaha
Siiiigh
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| Most nights i cry myself awake... |
[Monday
August 29th] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sudden Injury- Dallas Green |
] |
Ack okay someone help me! I just got this layout and i figured out how to get it onto my LJ but its kinda screwed cuz all my pics are cut off and also, in the preview of the layout there were all these awesome like flashing pink hearts and theyre not there on my lj!! ...i need help a)fixing it...or b)finding a better one that works..? How would i go about doing A or B? Anybody?
So it seems really surreal to me that school is starting in like a week. The summer flew right by without me even noticing. Its kind of depressing. School is so stressful for me socially and academically.
It still is kind of scary to think of the way things just keep going around in circles. School will start in september..then stress, blah blah blah, winter, exams, more stress, blah blah blah, spring, stress, exams, then summer comes. Then we do it all over again.
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| Heres a couple pics |
[Monday
August 22nd] |
Heres a picture for ya. I have more im going to post tomorrow when i have time, i just wanted to see if i could figure it out and i did it! With the help of ryan<3. Well I have to get up early for le marathon de oc.
Me, Nathan, Cassie, and Maddie at the beaches in toronto last month.
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| Daytime. Twilight. Pitch black. Night light. |
[Tuesday
August 9th] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Adelleda- Alexisonfire |
] |
Thinking about the future scares me. I dont know what im going to do with my life. Like i have no idea. im afraid of getting stuck if i choose the wrong path. There are so many things that you can do out there. Im also so afraid of death and dying. I cant accept the fact that everybody dies, thats just life. I dont understand why we are put here if we just die and leave earth. It makes no sense to me.
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pastxthexmirror's journal
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